Reflections

The torn and tattered America's Great Loop Cruisers' flag.

Over the last months, I've had the opportunity to look back and reflect on the good days and the not so good ones.  There were so many fantastic times that I experienced in the last 38 years and I just knew that there were going to be many more.  Think about how many times you have heard the words "there are no guarantees" - just like me you probably said that's right and moved right on.  Then suddenly, life happens in front of you and all of those things that weren't possible are there in your face.  Your entire world is off it's axis and nothing makes sense.  All of the dreams and plans that you, as a couple, had made are gone.  Everything that you had done to achieve those dreams is sudden seems worthless.  So now, what is the future supposed to be?

Some of you know that Regina and I met on a blind date in 1981.  It was a date that neither one of us jumped at the opportunity to go on, but it happened and we met.  She was 21 and lived in Winter Park, Florida.  I was 33 and lived in Germantown, Maryland.  Can you say long distance relationship!  For some reason, she was attracted to me.  And for me, there was no question, she was beautiful, exciting and fun.  Her personality was larger than life and she could fill a room all by herself.  We were married in December 1982 and we both liked to do the same things which made our partnership easy.  Everyone one loved to be around Regina and I got to be with her everyday.  That doesn't mean every day was perfect, but the good days way out numbered the ones that weren't.  She was very special and we had great times together.

Anniversary celebration

Regina was able to retire from IBM in 1999 and she would tell me that she was just waiting for me so that we could start having fun.  That day got close until the recession of 2008 which seriously impacted my business.  We worked hard together for the next three years until things finally turned around, but it took until June 2017 before I could also retire and we were excited to be able to start doing the things that had been planned for so long.  RPA threw an unbelievable "Bon Voyage" party for us with many of our friends and family there for the celebration.  Brittany's wedding at Disney World came before we would start our travels.  That was a wonderful time and Regina was over the moon for Brittany to be so happy and to have so many of for our friends there for the ceremony and reception. 

Bon Voyage!

Disney World Wedding!!

We left Marietta just a few weeks later to begin the Great Loop Trip on our boat.  The loop circles the eastern half of the USA by water and we had planned this adventure for several years.  This was the first of many things to do which included cruising the Bahamas, the US Open, Wimbledon, going back to Hawaii and possibly Australia.  The dream ended half way through the loop at Herrington Harbour, Maryland.  That's where we got the diagnosis of melanoma that sent us back to Atlanta.  Even  this setback had an 80% chance of success and I refused to accept the thought of anything else.  Regina told me that I couldn't do that and I now, everyday, wonder how much more she just "knew" than she shared with me.  I know how much she suffered with the treatments and what the doctors told us.  I don't know why those doctors didn't stop the treatments before the drugs killed her.  Yes, the immunotherapy worked to kill the cancer, but she couldn't tolerate the side effects and it took her life.  That pretty much took mine too because all of those years of being with my girl and making plans suddenly went away.  

I know that I will continue to reflect on the past and what should have been.  All the "experts" say that you shouldn't do that, but the 20/20 look into the rear view mirror won't go away.  There are lots of jokes about how architects know something about everything, but for me, medicine certainly wasn't one of those things.  If only I had known more about what the signs meant, could the outcome be different?  This is difficult because I had to trust the doctors and, in that rear view mirror, I think they may failed to do their best to save Regina's life and that cannot be undone.  

If you have followed this blog, you know about us buying the boat, preparing for the Great Loop, looping and the unlooping.  After returning to Chattanooga, I did all the basic maintenance on the engines and transmissions and continued on up river to Knoxville.  I found a spot in the Vol Navy to dock the boat.  I was here to celebrate my Mom's 102nd birthday!  The football season has not started the way that any of us had hoped, but we VFL's continue to hope that things will improve.  I know that Regina would be suffering as much as I am as the struggles continue.  She adopted Tennessee, my fraternity brothers, their wives and kids as her own.  It was mutual and we all had wonderful times together.

Just a few of the many times we had with UT friends.

At this point, I've been living on our boat for a bit more than a month.  It's better than being at home, in the room where she took her last breath, but it's still not like it was.  There are times when I do things with my friends here in Knoxville and I get to spend time with my Mom that I couldn't do as we went through the surgeries and treatments.  I had hoped that there would be more folks around in the Navy, but that hasn't been the case.  The boat fire the first weekend has changed much of what had been "normal" on the docks here.  All I can hope for is that somehow there will come a day where life will return to something beyond a reflection.  Maybe I can still do the Great Loop trip that we had planned as well as some of the other adventures.  It's just a bit overwhelming to try to figure it out again at this point when things were supposed to be on autopilot.

An omen??

My spot under the bridge.

There are certainly life lessons that have been etched in stone from all that has happened.  I will tell you to enjoy everyday as if it were your last - it might be!  Take care of yourself.  A mole that had been biopsied and reported as benign killed Regina.  Don't be confident that everything is okay if things begin to look or feel a little different.  If you have a dream and you can pursue it, don't put it off any longer than necessary - your chance may pass you by.  The clock cannot be turned back.  Each minute that passes is gone and will not return.  We all know these things are true, but all too often we don't follow these rules.  I'm going to try to do better and I hope you will too.


This may be the end of the Float my Boat blog - I'm just not sure that there is anything left for this story.  I know I'll always remember the good times that I wrote about and, hopefully, so will you.  Let's try to keep our reflections focused on those.